Monday, May 31, 2004

Cliffhanger


Oh, Sylvester Stallone is a rock climber who hangs off cliffs AND there are many suspenseful moments. I get it. I guess technically this wouldn’t fall under the category of bad movies no one else has seen, because, sadly, I think it did relatively well at the box office. But in case you’re one of the few people who have not seen it, and if you like seeing Sly in a squatting position from behind as he dangles from a rope, you’re sure to like this movie! Sly stars as Gabriel, a rock climbing rescue guy who drops a chick off a cliff while trying to rescue her in the opening scenes and flees the mountains out of guilt. Unfortunately, he does come back, just in time for a plane-load of villains in the midst of some sort of super-heist to crash their plane in the mountains, scattering their booty amongst the peaks. The villains, led by John Lithgow (who sports a British? accent so humorous it makes any episode of Third Rock From the Sun look like a Greek tragedy in comparison), are forced to lure Sly and the boyfriend of the chick Sly killed earlier into the mountains on a phony rescue mission to help them find their loot. They try to kill Sly a couple of times, but damn it, he’s not getting out of this movie that easy. Lithgow calls Sly a “resilient bastard” in that comical accent of his. So, there’s a lot of running around and hanging from cliffs and the bad guys are eventually out witted by Sly (yup, as unlikely as that might seem, but such is the magic of Hollywood). If the producers had simply put Sly, Lithgow and a dead pig in a big empty room together, and let the camera roll while they tried to out-ham each other, it would have saved a lot of time and money.

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